Here in a few days it will be our one year mark of having our little monkeys as part of our family! Wow it has sure flown by! I went back to read what I wrote on the blog when we first got them. (to read that post click here) I have to say, I had to read that with tears flowing down my cheeks! All those feeling I had at first came right back. I want to just share a small part of it:
"When I got the call to see if we were willing to take the 3 siblings I
instantly felt like it was the right thing to do. But at the same time I
was on my way to coach special Olympics and would be four hours away
for the next three days. So as I was emotionally trying to figure out
what to do I was also driving a van full of athletes! Finally I found a
way home (thanks Aireal and Grandma!) and made the long drive home. Let
me just tell ya, I was in a daze thinking of everything I needed,
groceries I needed to buy and mostly I was worried if my first instincts
where right. Could we really handle this? This would be our first
foster placement so it would be hard, and then triple that! Was I
crazy. How was this going to effect our everyday life? Bryan and I
were so use to it just being us, how was that going to effect our
marriage? What about Kirianna, was she going to get the attention she
is use to? Will she know that even though we have these kids that we
still love her the same? And then there was all our summer plans how can
we do all of them with all the kids? And my projects I wanted to do,
where would I get the time? So many what ifs running through my head!
Then I stopped and realized that those where all mostly selfish thoughts
and that I needed to think really what would Heavenly Father want me to
do? I know that the Lord has prepared and directed Bryan and I to this
point in our life so he would for sure back us up when we need it.... The second day we had the kids I was so exhausted that morning, I had
traveled for 7 hours, been emotionally drained, had a cold and the baby
was awake alot in the night. Then in the craziness of morning i lost
it. For some reason I could not stop crying. Poor bryan was trying to
leave for work and I was a mess. I am sure he was like "great we have
all these kids and my wife has gone crazy" Try as I might I couldn't
pull it together. so once bryan had left I went into the bathroom and
had to go to the one who could comfort me the way I needed, My Heavenly
Father. From that moment on I was given the peace and assurance that
this was the right for our family. I will never forget the
encouragement I received on that day from my Heavenly Father."
I SO needed reminded of those strong feelings of the spirit I felt that day. The Lord is in control he knows what is in the best interest of the kids, he knows the feelings of my heart! I need to have more FAITH! I have been having such a hard time lately. So many emotions, its getting to the point that adoption could be a possibility for us but then in the back of my mind I have to question "what if they don't agree with the case worker, what if they go back" Especially tonight, as I tucked each of them in bed, my heart just ached to be able to be their mom for ever. I listened to their little prays at bed thank heavenly father for Bryan and I. I swear I about lost it. They are the cutest, most loving, amazing kids! I need to pray harder, worry less, turn to the Lord and TRUST him! I will never deny the strong promting I had to open our home to them., I just hope its for EVER not just a year....
